KALAMI (n.)
The ancient Eastern art of
being able to fold road-maps properly.
KANTURK (n.)
An extremely intricate
knot originally used for belaying the topgallant foresheets of a gaff-rigged
China clipper, and now more commonly observed when trying to get an old kite out
of the cupboard under the stairs.
KEELE (adj.)
The horrible smell caused
by washing ashtrays.
KELLING (participial vb.)
A person
searching for something, who has reached the futile stage of re-looking in all
the places they have looked once already, is said to be kelling.
KENT (adj.)
Politely determined not to
help despite a violent urge to the contrary. Kent expressions are seen on the
faces of people who are good at something watching someone else who can't do it
at all.
KENTUCKY (adv.)
Fitting exactly and
satisfyingly. The cardboard box that slides neatly into an exact space in a
garage, or the last book which exactly fills a bookshelf, is said to fit 'real
nice and kentucky'.
KERRY (n.)
The small twist of skin
which separates each sausage on a string.
KETTERING (n.)
The marks left on
your bottom or thighs after sunbathing on a wickerwork chair.
KETTLENESS (adj.)
The quality of
not being able to pee while being watched.
KIBBLESWORTH (n.)
The footling
amount of money by which the price of a given article in a shop is less than a
sensible number, in the vain hope that at least one idiot will think it cheap.
For instance, the kibblesworth on a pair of shoes priced at L19.99 is 1 p.
KIMMERIDGE (n.)
The light breeze
which blows through your armpit hair when you are stretched out sunbathing.
KINGSTON BAGPUISE (n.)
A
forty-year-old sixteen-stone man trying to commit suicide by jogging.
KIRBY (n.)
Small but repulsive piece of
food prominently attached to a person's face or clothing.
See also CHIPPING
ONGAR.
KIRBY MISPERTON (n.)
One
who kindly attempts to wipe an apparent kirby (q.v.)
off another's face with a napkin, and then discovers it to be a wart or other
permanent fixture, is said to have committed a 'kirby misperton'.
KITMURVY (n.)
Man who owns all the
latest sporting gadgetry and clothing (golf trolley, tee cosies, ventilated
shoes, Gary Player-autographed tracksuit top, American navy cap, mirror
sunglasses) but is still only on his second golf lesson.
KNAPTOFT (n.)
The mysterious fluff
placed in pockets by dry-cleaning firms.
KURDISTAN (n.)
Hard stare given by
a husband to his wife when he notices a sharp increase in the number of times he
answers the phone to be told, 'Sorry, wrong number.'