WATH (n.)
The rage of Roy lenkins.
WEEM (n.)
The tool with which a dentist
can inflict the greatest pain. Formerly, which tool this was was dependent upon
the imagination and skill of the individual dentist, though now, with
technological advances, weems can be bought specially.
WEMBLEY (n.)
The hideous moment of
confirmation that the diaster presaged in the ely (q.v.) has
actually struck.
WENDENS AMBO (n.) (Veterinary
term.)
The operation to trace an object swallowed by a cow through all its
seven stomachs. Hence, also (1) an expedition to discover where the exits are in
the Barbican Centre, and (2) a search through the complete works of Chaucer for
all the rude bits.
WEST WITTERING (participial
vb.)
The uncontrollable twitching which breaks out when you're trying to get
away from the most boring person at a party.
WETWANG (n.)
A moist penis.
WHAPLODE DROVE (n.)
A
homicidal golf stroke.
WHASSET (n.)
A business card in your
wallet belonging to someone whom you have no recollection of meeting.
WHISSENDINE (n.)
The noise which
occurs (often by night) in a strange house, which is too short and too irregular
for you ever to be able to find out what it is and where it comes from.
WIDDICOMBE (n.)
The sort of person
who impersonates trimphones.
WIGAN (n.)
If, when talking to someone
you know has only one leg, you're trying to treat them perfectly casually and
normally, but find to your horror that your conversation is liberally studded
with references to (a) Long John Silver, (b) Hopalong Cassidy, (c) the Hokey
Cokey, (d) 'putting your foot in it', (e) 'the last leg of the UEFA
competition', you are said to have committed a wigan.
The word is derived
from the fact that sub-editors at ITN used to manage to mention the name of
either the town Wigan, or Lord Wigg, in every fourth script that Reginald
Bosanquet was given to read.
WIKE (vb.)
To rip a piece of sticky
plaster off your skin as fast as possible in the hope that it will (a) show how
brave you are, and (b) not hurt.
WILLIMANTIC (adj.)
Of a person
whose heart is in the wrong place (i.e. between their legs).
WIMBLEDON (n.)
That last drop
which, no matter how much you shake it, always goes down your trouser leg.
WINKLEY (n.)
A lost object which
turns up immediately you've gone and bought a replacement for it.
WINSTON-SALEM (n.)
A person in
a restaurant who suggests to their companions that they should split the cost of
the meal equally, and then orders two packets of cigarettes on the bill.
WIVENHOE (n.)
The cry of alacrity
with which a sprightly eighty-year-old breaks the ice on the lake when going for
a swim on Christmas Eve.
WOKING (participial vb.)
Standing in
the kitchen wondering what you came in here for.
WOOLFARDISWORTHY (n.)
A
mumbled, mispronounced or misheard word in a song, speech or play. Derived from
the well-known mumbled passage in Hamlet:
'. . . and the spurns, That patient merit of the unworthy takes When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? Who woolfardisworthy To grunt and sweat under a weary life?'
WORGRET (n.)
A kind of poltergeist
which specialises in stealing new copies of the A-Z from your car.
WORKSOP (n.)
A person who never
actually gets round to doing anything because he spends all his time writing out
lists headed 'Things to Do (Urgent)'.
WORMELOW TUMP (n.)
Any
seventeen-year-old who doesn't know about anything at all in the world other
than bicycle gears.
WRABNESS (n.)
The feeling after
having tried to dry oneself with a damp towel.
WRITTLE (vb.)
Of a steel ball, to
settle into a hole.
WROOT (n.)
A short little berk who
thinks that by pulling on his pipe and gazing shrewdly at you he will give the
impression that he is infinitely wise and 5ft 11 in.
WYOMING (participial vb.)
Moving in
hurried desperation from one cubicle to another.in a public lavatory trying to
find one which has a lock on the door, a seat on the bowl and no brown streaks
on the seat.