Recently while munching over some festive turkey and masticating Paxo, I was in discussion with a friend who had a problem, a problem dear reader that you may sympathise with, as you have this little missive in your hand, unless you cannot read the title, then you have bigger issues to deal with in your life and I, frankly cannot help.

His problem was simply, “how do I get my Internet to work?”

My reply, as you may imagine, was delighted eagerness, as my girlfriend will testify, I love nothing more than to spout meaningless drivel at people, whether chewing on hapless poultry or not.
But it did open my eyes to something I have been trying to ignore for a long time, my father. Not that I have been trying to ignore my father at all but rather my fathers seemingly mystifying inability to master the basic simple process of turning a computer on, never mind setting the clock on the video or making anything more complicated than a fried egg sandwich.

I hope what follows is of some use to you dear reader and will save you at least some time otherwise you can go back to:

1. Ringing helpdesks
2. Asking friends
3. Grabbing the monitor screaming, “Speak To Me”
4. Trying Feng Shui